Why I Cant Start My Life

It's January 15, 2024, and here I am, attempting to be brutally honest with myself. Today marks the initiation of this blog, driven by the desperate need for clarity in my life. My attempts at creating plans, timetables, and to-do lists have been nothing but a futile exercise, leaving me frustrated and full of self-doubt.

Like any other teenager, I started with grand aspirations, only to watch them crumble into the trash by day's end. In an attempt to break this cycle, I've decided to document my daily life through this blog, hoping to gain insight into my true self and make better life decisions. However, I can't shake the nagging thought that my commitment to this blog might only last a week, maybe less.

As of now, it's 10:30 PM, and my day has been unremarkably ordinary. Confession time: I'm a lazy night owl, proudly surrendering to sleep around 4 AM, consequently waking up at a leisurely 1 PM. A typical day, adhering to my nocturnal sleep cycle.

Despite my best intentions, getting out of bed this afternoon felt like an insurmountable task. Tiredness seems to be a constant companion; even in college, I found solace in napping during breaks, a ritual I couldn't quite comprehend but clung to nonetheless.

Currently back in my hometown where college attendance is more a suggestion than a rule, I find myself embracing this lax attitude, even if it means jeopardizing my attendance percentage. It's a compromise I'm willing to make for the sake of my sanity. Let's see where this brutally honest journey takes me.

Today, I took a step toward organizing my thoughts by buying a white notebook for upcoming idea creation. The intention is clear – to jot down and work on new ideas. It feels important.

Reflecting on the past 10-15 days, my struggle with studying for the GATE exam has been evident. At the end of each day, regret lingers, but my determination to study and pass remains unwavering. I'm battling to control my emotions and make my days productive, but the normal track often pulls me back. Yet, I won't give up; I'll persist until I conquer it. It's a promise to myself, a resolve to one day own all my assets and find fulfillment.

Today also marks Makar Sankranti, a Marathi festival. "Tilgool ghya, god god bola!" – a traditional saying urging people to exchange sesame seeds and jaggery, symbolizing sweet words.

As the day concludes, the honesty remains – acknowledging the challenges, the efforts, and the aspirations. It's an ongoing journey, and I'll keep pushing forward.



Post a Comment